Some good things that came from the poly community
I am definitely in the not-poly crowd, but I'll be honest--I learned a lot of cool things from that community.
I learned wonderful phrases like "radical honesty" which, I'll admit, were better in theory, especially since my partner was withholding important emotional information from me while I was PROCESSING PROCESSING PROCESSING all my emotional garbage because we were supposed to have been doing the "radical honesty" thing with one another.
I learned great communication techniques. That book "The Ethical Slut" contains such great advice on how to communicate with one another. Things like "how to deal with jealousy" are great, because jealousy can spring up over things like hobbies and work, and it helps!
I began to recognize the difference between an emotional reaction
and how you really feel about something. Working through the first time my boyfriend was going on a date with someone, it was really really difficult to distinguish the difference, but I really worked on it.
I discovered that I am truly singularly focused, and that when I become very interested in someone, I lose interest in everyone else. Sure, you could chalk that up to NRE, but really, I would rather work on "recapturing interest" than to grab NRE from somewhere else.
So yes, good things have come from me working through poly relationships. A really good thing was realizing that monogamy for me was not simply a culturally defined phenomenon--not a learned thing--it was who I was.